Why am i so afraid to show my inner self(guys and doctors advice)?

at school im always the shy but smart one. i have good friends but sometimes even with them i still feel empty inside. i get enough sleep at night. my friends make fun of me because my body doesn't grow that fast. sometimes i stab myself just to get out of class.im actually missing half a finger due to an attempt to stab myself with scissors.sometimes i get so shy at something , stop breathing, my face will turn red and like die than come back to life. i think half of the reason was i was sexually abused at the age of 10 im only 11 now im still crying myself to sleep because of that one.

















if you have any advice on how to be a man and quit torturing myself plz tell me im in need of itWhy am i so afraid to show my inner self(guys and doctors advice)?
When I grew up I also was reluctant to show my inner self, and was always being bullied and made fun of. My answer to this is kind of weird. What I did was start watching animes like naruto and bleach. The main characters in those shows has similar, if not worse beginnings than me, as you watch you see that they make their resolve a harden it. Just be determined and be yourself, that's the most important thing. Who cares about being bullied, what can words do? It's best to go through your life determined and proud of yourself.